Multiple
Choice:
1. You log-on
to:
A) Check your stock portfolio.
B) Meet new
people and hang out.
C) Deny your spouse time
alone.
2. This week you
spent:
A) 2-10 hours online.
B) Gee, probably
about 20 hours online if you include flash sessions.
C)
What day is it? (Give yourself "C" point credits if you've
been on line since last week)
3. You experience
the greatest amount of stress when:
A) You are
caught in rush hour traffic.
B) You realize you don't have
enough money to pay your bills.
C) You receive 17 IM's
while in the middle of a riveting chat in a crowded
room.
4. The answer
to 3 is not "B" because:
A) You have money
you can pull out of savings in an emergency.
B) Revolving
debt is the American way of life.
C) You've gotten
completely used to not being able to pay all your bills ever
since you got your first AOL statement.
5. Your favorite
television show is:
A) Melrose Place.
B) Star
Trek and/or Hercules/Xena.
C) Television? You mean that
monitor over there in the corner?
6. The best place to
go on a date is:
A) A quiet, remote little bed and
breakfast.
B) The living room couch to cuddle in front of a
video.
C) Online. (Give yourself "C" points credit if you
can't remember because your primary Screen Name is
married)
7. The first things
you look for when considering a new living space
are:
A) Location and structural integrity.
B) A
lock on the front door and a month to month lease.
C)
Outlets and phone jacks.
8. Dinner last night
consisted of:
A) A spinach and tofu lasagna you
baked yourself.
B) A something-or-other burger from, you
know, what's it called? That place.
C) You have no idea,
but you immediately start looking at the crumbs around your
key board for clues. (Give yourself "C" points credit if you
don't eat dinner).
9. "DM" stands
for:
A) Demilitarized.
B) Dungeon Master.
C)
Darn mouse!
10. The most
important thing to look for in a restraunt
is:
A) A food license.
B) Free
snacks.
C) A phone jack for the laptop you carry with you
wherever you go.
11. The first thing
you really want to know about somebody you are considering
dating is:
A) "Do you have a job?"
B) "Do you
have your own computer?"
C) "Do you have an AOL Screen
Name?"
12. The second most
important factor in choosing a mate would be:
A)
They come from a good family.
B) They're exciting enough to
get you away from the computer.
C) Compatible on-line
hours.
13. The first thing
you do when you meet someone is:
A) Smile and say
hello.
B) Mumble something and look at the floor and hope
they go away.
C) Look up their member profile. (Give
yourself "C" point credits if you never meet anyone because
your hand is permanently glued to the mouse)
14. The most
frequently left message on your answering machine is something
like:
A) "We had so much fun Saturday night!
Thanks again for coming over."
B) "Wow. I got through the
busy signal. You're actually off the modem?"
C) "I know
you're there! Why aren't you picking up? Hello? Oh, heck! You
got a second line, didn't you?" (Give yourself "C" point
credits if you've unplugged your phone so that the darn thing
will stop interrupting your chats).
15. Your best friend
is:
A) Someone you met at work.
B) Someone
you've been AOL penpals with since fifth grade.
C) Some
stranger whose name you don't know, who probably lives several
states away.
16. You check your
email:
A) A couple of times a week.
B) Pretty
much first thing when you get home.
C) The minute it comes
in, unless you're in the middle of a really intense
chat.
17. The most time
you've ever spent on-line in one sitting is:
A)
Two or three hours.
B) Gosh, probably like, six hours once
or twice.
C) You are still blinking at the above question
waiting for the "you have been on-line for 38,647 minutes
scroll to pop up so that you can calculate.
18. "Logs" are
for:
A) Fire places.
B) Saving special
chats.
C) Sending to TOSmail because the snert interrupted
a very sensitive chat.
19) You don't swear
because:
A) It isn't nice.
B) It's more fun and
challenging to think up creative alternatives.
C) TOS.
(Give yourself "C" points credit if you do swear because
you've ceased fearing TOS).
20) You notice your
house is on fire. Your first response is:
A)
"Let's get everybody out safely!"
B) "BRB"
C) "Oh man,
there must be some way to get the computer out of
here!"
21) You are lost
without your:
A) Organizer.
B) Program
Manager.
C) Buddy list.
22) The first thing
you do when you receive good news is:
A) Call your
family.
B) Question it relentlessly.
C) Send it to your
e-mail buddies.
24) This quiz was
probably created because:
A) The author has a
noble interest in psychiatric advances.
B) Some jerk was
bored.
C) AOL was down for a few hours.
~~Scoring~~
Tally up your answers,
giving yourself one point for every "A" answer, two points for
every "B" answer, and three points for every "C" answer.
Subtract five points for any acronym you don't
understand.
0-25 Chill out newbie,
you're fine.
26-51 No one can accuse you
of being computer illiterate, but if anyone tells you you're
spending too much time on-line, tell them I said, "Not even
close."
52-65 UNPLUG THE COMPUTER
NOW. THERE'S THE BAREST SLIVER OF HOPE!!!!
66 and over ::nods::
IAD.
