1. Life isn't like a
box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos -- you
never know what's going to burn your butt.
2. I love
deadlines. I especially like the "whooshing" sound they make
as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what
you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Needing someone
is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first
time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
5. I don't have an
attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
6. My reality
check bounced.
7. On the keyboard
of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
8. I don't suffer
from stress; I am a carrier!
9. You are slower
than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
10. Everyone is
someone else's weirdo.
11. Never argue
with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you
with experience.
12. Be careful. A
pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
butt.
13. Don't be
irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you won't be
promoted.
14. The more bull
you put up with the more bull you are going to get.
15. You can go
anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
16. So, this isn't
Home Sweet Home. ADJUST!!!
17. Ring bell for
maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
18. I came, I saw,
I decided to order take out.
20. Blessed are
they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to
be amused.
